‘The vulnerability of being dependant on
someone else is scary’
So back in 2011 I attended a Gym class called Combat Cardio. Being an Active, competitive person I gave this class my all. However I threw my shoulder out. It was a strange feeling, I felt as though it dislocated but slipped straight back into place with immediate inflammation. I’m unsure to actually what happened I just know this caused me years of discomfort.
What did the Doctors say?
‘Oh have you iced it?’ ‘Yes’.
‘Did you take ibprophen and paracetamol?’ ‘Yes’
Blah, Blah they didn’t care 10minutes in and out of the office over and over again I got referred to physio. First physio really hurt me so I changed physios to another who suggested injections I freaked out.
‘I’m petrified of needles’ yup that’s me 25 and scared.
I tried to deal with the pain but it was becoming apparent through out my daily activities life wasn’t going to be straight forward anymore.
Working was becoming hard as I was a waitress. I couldn’t carry plates sometimes due to the pain. I couldn’t have my handbag on my right side due to the pain. I couldn’t sleep properly due to the pain.
I managed the pain for a few years and got fed up. It had got to the point where everything was getting to hard. I’d get upset.
No one could tell me why I was in so much pain. the doctors were playing the guessing game. I felt like a human guinea pig.
So I trialled physio once again, no further.
I put my fears aside and got a cortisone injection, no further. they seen I had partial tearing in my right Bicep.
I continued my physio, no further I was utterly sick.
I spoke to the surgeon and he suggested that it was finally time to try the last resort surgery. To be honest when I left the office I burst into tears,not because I was sad, But filled with relief to finally see some progress to get my life back on track.
The surgery came round pretty fat I only had 2months to digest this news and boy did it fly over before I knew it I was pacing my back waking up early and sitting in the passenger seat whilst my boyfriend Luke drove me to the hospital.
Nervous was an understatement. I’m 25years old and I cried when the nurse told me my boyfriend couldn’t follow me down the hall way to my bed. she shape changed her mind when the next patient wasn’t in for another 2 hours.
I was prepared and aware that I was going to be getting surgery for Bicep tendonitis. This hadn’t been explained to me greatly but as we all do I had done my own research and googled it and watched the video. YUCK! Never do this to yourself.
The surgeon was so blasé about the pre- surgery talk. So we will do the Bicep tendonitis and if anything else needs done we will do it ok? This may work may not but if not we can always go back in. This wasn’t really what I wanted to hear. However, I was here now in my gown feeling rather ‘Sexy’ not.
Tick Tock, time seemed to be going very fast flying towards 9:30am. It was time to walk to surgery. Oh dear. ‘Don’t cry, don’t cry, don’t cry’, ok so I cried I’m 25years old and I stared crying when I left my boyfriend at the theatre doors. I was so scared standing there cuddling my pillow I walked through.One the of guy nurses said to me in the most board Geordie accent ,
‘Divin’t worry pet their ganna give you some shots of whiskey through there’.
This made me laugh through my tears. Ok so I’ve got a phobia of needles and this was my first surgery so I wasn’t afraid to say I was scared. My shoulder was about to be invaded with metal and whatever else.
The staff were all lovely. I had a small team around me making me laugh. I was giving a sedative to help me feel more calm to which the anestatist referred to as
‘the 5 glasses of wine feeling’
again this cheered me up considering where I was. Everyone had such a good sense of humour in this pre-theatre setting. I’m sure they are used to people like me.
After I was calmly watching the nurses insert a nerve block. I watched this on the ultra sound. It was a strange feeling I was super calm and just paying attention to everything around me. I felt super aware of every detail.
Next thing I know I’m being wheeled into a smaller room through the door where I had a small conversation with an oxygen mask on and next thing I knew I was waking up out of surgery with the most horrific burning sensation in my bicep.
Morphine galore. I think anyways but nothing seemed to take away the pain. Limit reached I was wheeled back onto the ward in my bed.
Not the best photo in the world I’ve ever had taken but this is real life. This was me after surgery. No make-up just vulnerable fresh faced me. At this point I realised how dependent I was going to have to be on others and yes it scared me.
My arm, WOW, HEAVY! Jeez, I didn’t realise how heavy my arm was. To be honest this sounds awful, but it felt like they had stitched someone’s dead arm to my body. It didn’t feel real at all.
I felt like I was moving my arm but nope it was still. Sore still and heavy.
Juice and toast time. Delightful, this was the best thing id eaten in 12hour and that juice tasted like some sort of tropical madness.
‘Hi, sorry… can I please get my phone?’
First person I called was my boyfriend who was just waiting around to be allowed back in.
Even though I felt like I’d been dragged through a field, slapped about ten thousand times and a weird arm stitched onto me I was so happy to see his face.
Now to ride the wave of the anaesthetic to be allowed to go home.
Have you ever woke up from an amazing night out that you thought you were clever enough to mix your drinks and dance till dawn? Yup that after feeling of being super HUNGOVER is how I felt coming around from the anaesthetic. Being made to sit on that chair for 20-30 mins lasted 50mins but felt like a whole day.
Finally one of the lovely nurse’s looked at me and said ‘Do you want to go home now?’, Yes please. I was wrecked, shattered, hungry and queasy. Nausea was my best friend right now and I wasn’t playing.
Welcome to the car ride to nausea ville. It takes us around 7minutes if that to get home from the hospital but my body made it feel like days. Each movement was heavily exaggerated and then we hit traffic, I mean what can you expect we left at 5:15pm.
eventually we arrived home. Straight to bed, water, tablets and figure out how the hell your going to sleep tonight.
Let the journey begin.
(Image took from one of my Pinterest boards)